'He made very derogatory remarks': 42-year-old boyfriend tells his successful businesswoman girlfriend she couldn't have gotten this far without cheating, she retorts that he's the reason none of his relationships last

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Mar 30, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

There is no shortage of men who say they want a successful, ambitious wife, only for their actions to show they want the opposite. It's not unheard of for husbands to sabotage their wives' work life because they don't want her to become more successful than them. Some men are intimidated by women who can provide for themselves and aspire to do more than marry and have children. Heck, there are men out there who want to put down their wives' ambitions, no matter how low-stakes they are. They could want to go to the movies on Friday, and their husband would find a way to ensure that doesn't happen. Men who don't have much going for them feel intimidated by independent women and feel like they're not "needed" as a provider who can't be replaced. In a healthy relationship, each person props up and supports their partner's goals and ambitions, giving them emotional support that says, "I believe in you." 

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  • The woman in this story has been working toward a goal for 11 years and is finally starting to see the fruits of her labor. Instead of congratulating her and speaking highly of her success, her boyfriend is suspicious.

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    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for telling my boyfriend it's his fault that all his women have dumped him after he reacted poorly to my career success and wanted me to choose?

    Last week, I (F41) took my boyfriend (Tony M42) (5 years together) out on a date to celebrate a huge career milestone. Since 2014, I've been working towards getting a very comprehensive project from concept to reality. I took all the steps, got into a better situation 6 years ago, and I got commitment from investors to take it into its next phase.
    via u/Mean_Tackle9324
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    Tony is an engineer (important to the story), we met in college, and I've always considered him smart and a bit of my dream guy. I thought we would have a quiet dinner, reaffirm being there for each other, and then go have s. Instead, I had to hear him ranting, saying how unrealistic I am and that I'm biting more than I can chew. Not gonna make this too
    via u/Mean_Tackle9324
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    long, so the whole thing sounded like a "who do you think you are?" From him. I had to explain there's no way I'm trying to bite too much. I have built my credibility, have worked very hard to establish a decent track record, and acquired solid associates to bring additional standing for our project. Still, he made very derogatory remarks (the kind
    via u/Mean_Tackle9324
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    one does when in disbelief or chronic disapproval) and said nothing is going to happen, that I'm stuck and that I compromised myself, for which he is concerned.
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    via Victória Kubiaki

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    I'm mad at myself for not saying anything on the spot. Instead, I've been overthinking. He and I had plans to get married, raise our kids in a blended family, and grow old together.
    via u/Mean_Tackle9324
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    via Hector Reyes

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    He didn't congratulate me. he didn't even give me a celebratory kiss. I haven't even cried yet because I'm numb. The things he said struck a chord and in a bad way. So basically, he thinks that I've been "lucky". I did talk to him about it after I went to my place, and he doubled down with suspicions of cheating on my part. He says there's no way I could get this far. I asked if he's
    via u/Mean_Tackle9324
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    mad because my project would also include his industry (which he's very proud of), and he denied it. This is like an ice bucket to my head. We tried to talk 2 nights ago at his place, and I left feeling worse. He says he wants a partner to enjoy life together and that I'm too old to dedicate myself to a massive project because I should have done it earlier. I don't understand, since
    via u/Mean_Tackle9324
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    years ago, he wanted a successful woman for himself. He said I needed to make up my mind between my reality, which is our tangible relationship, and my perceived new developments.
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    I reminded him about what he said, and that his words about me cheating or sleeping my way. through my career was especially disrespectful because he knows I was s--- harassed at some point and was concerned for my safety. He said I was manipulative.
    via u/Mean_Tackle9324
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    He called me last night like nothing happened.I broke up with him and told him to look in the mirror and ask himself why he was dumped by all of his exes. He said I was using very personal things that he told me against him and that it was disappointing. I texted him back and said I'm not responsible for his reactions when he was so inconsiderate.
    via u/Mean_Tackle9324
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    He has been asking me to apologize since he woke up. He sounds weird and a bit depr sed and he says I used painful situations in his past for leverage ( his ex-wife divorced him, his ex fiancee cheated and left him before the wedding). I dont feel
    via u/Mean_Tackle9324
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    like I owe him anything, I didn't mention anything specifically, but I just said it's his fault that his women run for the hill ( figuratively). AITA for refusing, although I think this affected him mentally?
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    Edit: he works the same job since after college, with a very well recognized company that comes with status and stability. He has access to nice things, and it's not like my project will affect his company.
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    Smitty-TBR2430 NTA. This is his problem, not your problem. Congratulations on your project. Best wishes moving on.
    via u/Smitty-TBR2430
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    Mean_Tackle9324 OP Thanks for your kind words
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    BKowalewski Hopefully you won't do whay I did. I married a jealous belittling man. After 20 yrs of marriage | finally divorced him. I took me ages of therapy to get my self confidence back.. I later found a wonderful SUPPORTIVE man who did a great job of boosting me And got me to start painting and sculpting again.....never too late
    via u/BKowalewski
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    Aggravating_Fig_2124 So you've dumped him or what It sounds like he spent the entire relationship with you trying to destroy your self-esteem so that's he would have someone he could feel superior to. He failed cuz you know your worth. Now he's throwing a tantrum to try to bring you back beneath him, where he wants you. You're not "too old" for this job. You're not too old to start your life again without him. Take courage and good luck
    via u/Aggravating_Fig_2124
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    No_Evening8416 Seems like an appropriate observation to me. It always baffles me when someone planning a life with their partner pull a complete 180 on being supportive. What did he think would happen when he spent an entire day deriding your accomplishments, to the point of accusing you of cheating in your career? How could he have expected you to react? He clearly crawled directly up his own bot on this one. Whatever he's going through, it doesn't involve considering your feelings, career, or
    via u/No_Evening8416
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    I'm sad for the future you had planned together. I'm confused about his sudden aggressivly inconsiderate actions. But I'm going with NTA You clapped back, and I would say mildly considering. You made an observation that if this is how he eventually treats female partners, it's no wonder he is the one consistent failure point in all his relationships. Good luck on your project, by the way. It sounds like you're doing incredible things. You deserve to enjoy the culmination of your years of hard wo
    via u/No_Evening8416
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    Hot Blood2962 That's because they're never really supportive, they're just buying their until they can have you cornered or have so manipulated/gaslighted that you think up is down. Op ex didn't think she would achieve her goal. Yeah he wants a successful woman but not one that has more statue and wealth than him. And to think so low of you to associate your success with s instead of the hard work and long hours you put. Just block him and learn from this blip in life
    via u/Hot Blood2962
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    I_wanna_be_anemone He's projecting. Sounds a lot like my sperm donor did once my mother started losing weight to get healthy. Turns out he'd been a work colleague for at least 6 months before my parents separated. He introduced his affair partner and moved her in before the separation period was even oven. He was never the problem, it's everyone around him... You deserve better, and your kids don't deserve to be around an ageist misogynist . NTA
    via u/I_wanna_be_anemone
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    Mean Tackle9324 OP Sperm donor sounds LIKE A GROSS HUMAN BEING. I hope he got his karma.
    via u/Mean_Tackle9324

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